This is my last Greece post… I promise!
As I reflect back on my amazing trip to Greece… I can imagine it might look a little crazy. I need you all to know… and mostly I need to remind myself that it saved my soul.
Early in our planning stages, Jennifer scheduled a Flytographer session and asked me if I wanted to go halvsies in on it. I though to myself… ‘sure.’ Once I arrived in Greece, Jennifer immediately told me she needed an outfit for the session. So we began shopping. We found a few things here and there that could work. Then we walked into Milo Boutique in Fira on Santorini and the game changed. Once she picked out her dress which was a beautiful flowing blush situation, I knew my little midi would never work. The minute I put this navy dress on, I felt a little something inside… similar to a prom or wedding dress. We looked at each other and thought “game on”. The best part about the boutique was Annabel Passaro… the person who helped up. She was our Sherpa. She is an absolutely fierce and thoughtful woman out there. If you go to Santorini… go to Milo to meet Annabel… she will remind you of what you are made of, make you feel beautiful and mostly she is the best dang shopper I have ever met!
I fell in love with my best friend all over again. We talked for hours, and never ran out of things to say. I laughed so hard every day. I even one time made Jennifer stop walking down an ill-lit street so I could compose myself from laughing so hard. I was deeply honest with myself every time we talked. I felt like I could say the truth about everything… every nuance of life without judgement but just pure love. I cried a lot. About how much pressure I feel to be perfect, or about things from life that hurt, or ways that I feel like I have failed myself or others. We never even got mad or short with one another… like there was never a sense of annoyance in my heart, traveling with another person… that does not happen.
I am so lucky. I am so lucky to know so fiercely that I am loved. I am so lucky to know I am bold enough to follow the calling in my heart to do my work and my job. I am so lucky to be close to a person who is doing the same. Now with that being said, we are not always confident. We both panic on the daily about being totally wrong about all of that! I think one of the most difficult things about growing up is the expectations life puts on you. You are expected to always have a clean house. You are expected to always have a glittering optimism and personality. You are expected to cook beautiful things and tell the world every day how fabulous your life, husband, job and (fill in the blank) is. I have been really struggling with this blog lately trying to make it perfect – trying to be what I think I need to be to feel loved and ‘good enough.’ But this trip reminded me it does not matter if it is perfect… and it will never be perfect, because it is supposed to be me, a real true picture of me… and let me tell you this people, it is not perfect.
There was a moment when Jennifer and I were getting ready for dinner and I was telling her about how great she looked, and how funny she is, and how she is an amazing person to be around and I wish I could have a little more of her in me… and she turned to me mid mascara swoop and said… have you ever considered that this is the way I feel about you? I stopped in my tracks and let my eyes slowly well with tears. I guess I have been feeling a little worthless and broken lately because I am having a hard time seeing my path and seeing what is next for me (I am a pusher… always moving to what is next – without a to-do list, I die). This is a double edged sword because I VALUE being present and feeling every moment… so I have been crazy conflicted.
I don’t have answers. I do not see a perfectly lit path. I think it will continue to get darker as we all travel into the unknown and unchartered. What I do know is I want all of you to feel the way I felt this week… alive, accepted, fun, loved, adventurous… like you are fabulous. And mostly that your fabulousness translates into other countries, arenas, realms or places. The manager of your boutique sees how amazing you are. Your fabulous translates. I do my job to surround people with the friends they need most to love them when they forget to love themselves. Because it takes an army to keep me going. Thank you for reading this and thank you for being in my little army.