So if you have been reading from the very beginning you know I have been to Arizona to visit my family a lot this year. I have been a little indirect and dropped little hints here and there about what is actually going on. Today I decided to be a little more direct. I got some feedback that my blog does not seem believable because it is only the good stuff and never really the whole story. So here it goes. The truth.
- The first two times I visited AZ this year for life I was helping my family settle my grandparents estate. It was heartbreaking. An entire lifetime of pictures and memories and stories I will never know… being given to a granddaughter to decide if it should be saved or trashed.
- The pressure was intense. I forgot to sift through my own feelings because I was so busy trying to help everyone manage theirs. I always put myself second… in everything I have a hard time talking about what I want and I have an even more difficult time seeing why what I want matters. I lost hours of sleep writing and re-writing ways I could have been stronger or better for my family.
- Finally, there were massive benefits. I forgot just how much I love and adore my aunt and her husband (my grandmother’s caretaker in the end). I forgot how family knows you better then you know yourself. Mostly I was there for my dad when he lost his own mother. I might have beat myself up over this entire experience, but I was there in the end. During this last visit, I was there with my father, sister her children and my Aunt and Uncle celebrating their life.
So after my last day on the road… Which was weirdly in Arizona, I was blessed enough to be able to drive a quick two hours to be with my family. I am so thankful this is how the story ended.